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“If There’s Any God!!”

I once got a booked in Atlantic City opening for the singer/talk show host Bert Convy. A very nice guy and a true gentleman, Bert and I hit it off and were hanging out the entire weekend at the Playboy Casino where we were performing. One thing we noticed was that every time we got in an elevator, after the doors closed a voice would come on and announce, “Tonight, in the main showroom, it’s BERT CONVY!”

Now, this was fine and unnoticeable to us the first time, even the second. But after days of getting on elevators, by ourselves, and hearing the droning pitch over and over saying, “Tonight… BERT CONVY!” it began sounding quite monotonous, because we heard it dozens of times. He especially was tired of hearing his name.

Finally one night we get in an elevator, and along with us steps a gorgeous, statuesque blond woman. The elevator began going up, but for the first time all week, there was no announcement! Just when Bert wanted one, with this beautiful woman who might realize who he is…nothing!

Right at that moment Bert turned to me and whispered, “If there was any God…” The elevator stopped, the woman got off, not knowing for a second whom she was standing with. And as the doors closed and it began going up, what do you think happened?

“Tonight…in the main showroom…BERT CONVY!!”